pink eye

Yes, over the weekend I have contracted an eye infection which is what I believe to be pink eye.  This just adds to the sickness I have already been dealing with regarding my throat and nose.  I am not surprised that I have pink eye because I  am used to the fact that my immune system is the equivalent of a ranch hands in 1857.  I have been sick since the beginning of my senior year in high school, and nothing has helped me feel any better for more than about a month or 2.  My eye feels like Dracula's when he opens the blinds to a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Even when I am wearing sunglasses or in a dark room, my eye begins to tear up.  These tears are not because of sadness, but because of my terrible luck when it comes to staying healthy.  There is no reason to blame my hygiene or living conditions for my overall health because that is not what us affecting me.  My theory is that I was cursed at some point in high school to have terrible everyday health for the rest of my life.  Hopefully one day I begin to start feeling better.

The Benefits of Having Friends

The many benefits of having friends is incredible, especially in college. You meet knew people, get to  enjoy diversity, and get into the perspectives of other people. Many of the times a lot of us college students come into the college environment not knowing anyone and it's overwhelming as well as lonely. By having friends and by making new ones, you get to enjoy one's company. Plus, by meeting new friends you, you get involved with school activities and functions and you're even able to find your niche. So far, I've meant knew friends and got acquainted with others. I have a feeling that we will be very close in the future and can't wait to see how that turns out.

Major Scare

So ever since my junior year in high school, i had came to the decision to be a physical therapist. It was a set-n stone decision. I remember thinking it's not to much school, i wont dread going to work everyday, and they make pretty good money. So i get to Texas State and I see an organization fro pre physical therapy majors. I'm like ohhh! okay, perfect! i remember when i walked up to the table and i told him I was a freshman, he was kinda surprised but he said, "oh, well its really good to start early."
Which wasn't very convincing but I didn't mind anyway. So i show up to the first meeting, and i see all these older looking people, and im like..... wow. So then they have this guest speaker and he just starts talking about how hard you have to work, and how competitive even getting into PT school is. And even after that, the struggle isn't over, theres loads of work and its pretty expensive. I just instantly start freaking out because I was not expecting things to be so difficult. Im kind of an easy going, go with the flow person and the way he made Physical Therapy seem, it was like do or die! So i go to the next meeting already kind of discouraged, and they start talking about 400 hours of volunteering, and they used all these terms and terminology that i couldn't even begin to process what they meant. I felt like a lost puppy, literally. I really hope that its only because i'm a freshman that i dont understand. But i decided to suck it up and stick with it. Hopefully i survive :D

Eighty Six Days

Being in a long distance relationship is taxing, to say the least. I, of all people, would never have expected myself to be in one. As of today, my boyfriend has been gone for almost two month now. Wow, it’s weird to think that it’s been that long. I talk to him all day and then I Skype him all the time. But today was the first day that I actually realized that I can not drive the 45 minutes it usually takes to get to his house. It’s crazy the amount that I miss him right now. 

He always tells me about how bad he’s feeling because he’s so far away. I know he feels like it’s his fault that I’m sad sometimes. He feels homesick for the first time. Until I came along, he had no intentions of coming back to the states so soon.

Whenever people talk to me about it they always say that the cheating is what is so hard for them. But, I honestly, have no desire to be with anyone else beside him. When other guys, try to hit on me it really just disgusts me. But, if it’s funny I tend to friend zone them.

The hardest part about it all is the risks of the whole thing. We have lots of plans for when he comes home from school. But not everything can be set in stone because things are so up in the air.

It’s just such an abstract relationship. I can’t touch or feel him. I can only see him because of the Internet but even still there is a lot of solidarity in that. I trust him enough to accept it all to be true but then again he’s only been gone for two months. Even in those two months I feel like I’ve grown closer to him. Learned more about him.

Ew. The level of mush in this post… it’s gross.

I REGRET!!!!

I remember somebody in class telling me about how the blog was supposed to reflect our college experience and that my first one about 9/11 was over the top. On top of all that I was talking to somebody the other day and they told me that I choose money over memories when it came to the college experience. I never really understood what he meant at the time, so it stayed in my mind all day. On my drive home it finally clicked, he was saying that I choose to save money and live from home rather than to stay in the dorms here on campus and experience all the memories I would have made each and every day.

Now I completely regret not living on campus at least for my first year here at Texas State, because I have a job in the city of San Marcos and a lot of my time is devoted to that as well. So I never get to experience our AMAZING school beyond the aspect of classes, I go to school early everyday and one Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I have to go to work as soon as I get off of school so and the rest of the week I go to school till 5 so by that time I’m just ready to go home and do my homework. Basically I really need to find more time to do some of the more amazing stuff on campus and make some memories of my own.

breakdown

Ahhh, where do I even start. So sunnday night I had a mental breakdwn around 11:00PM and starting crying and crying cause I was not ready for the week and just missed home. I did not know what to do so I called my mom and told her she needed to come and get me cause I was ready to drop out. She laughed and told me evrything was going to be fine that I would get used to it. Still, I didn't think I was going to be okay. I had tons of homework and two test to study for. I did get through the night but I cried myself to sleep and woke up Monday perfectly fine. I guess it really never hit me right away that I am actually in college and no longer at home until now. The rest of the week has been fine I am just ready for Friday to come because I get to go home, I honestly don't care if there is a home came either, I just miss my big bed and family :)

The Struggle Is Real

I have realized getting sleep, actual sleep, in college is a reward. You're up all night studying or taking notes -- bla bla and finally you say, "Ahh, now I can sleep." Its terrible honestly. Back in high school I could come home and take a nap whenever I pleased. Sleeping was a choice and something I decided to do at my will. In college, however, sleep is granted once all of the "to dos" are done. Sleep is gold. Getting a good nights rest is like finding a pot of gold near the ocean; highly unlikely. A typical day I find myself passing out or dying for a little bit and then coming back to life. Waking up is a painful experience and literally hurts. It hurts to wake up in college -- literally. I love sleep and throughout my life I find it necessary for my day to be good and for myself to function. Now, I have to flip my whole life around and put the most important things ahead of my sleeping. 1. Study for tomorrows test 2. Study for tuesdays test 3. Take notes on some ancient Greek man no one knows about 4. Re-teach myself the formula we learned in math even though in the real world people just use calculators 5. Do Laundry 6. Try for a social life 7. Pass out unconscious. I look at myself as a living Iphone. Unfortunately, I am never fully charged and I am usually running on that bright red "10%" warning. After that, I find myself dying and recharging myself only to get up to say 40/50%. This is the life I live now. When is thanksgiving again??

Zzz

    I finally found out what the most important thing in college is. The one thing you can't make it through without. The thing that will help you throughout all 4 years. The thing I'm completely lacking. That thing is sleep.

     Sleep literally makes or breaks you. I'm founding out the hard way it's impossible to manage your life without it. You can't make graded when you're constantly falling asleep in class. You can't be social when you're to tired to show some energy. I'm steadily nodding off or just flat out passing out in every class. My notes are crappy and my memory is worse considering how often I doze off during the important stuff.

   My reason for my lack of sleep is just maintaining my social life and trying to keep up with my school work. So I can't sleep because of my social life and school work but I can't have a good social life and make good grades because my lack of sleep. This is a vicious cycle that keeps nipping me in the butt. I need to learn to manage my time better.

    I can sit here all day and talk about sleep but the truth is I'm falling asleep just typing this.
 

the mood of a student

i walk around the campus, too and fro walking around the quad mainly due to being a freshmen. I look around at the student body seeing a level of confusing lacking self awareness of a basic breast of burden. The students here or at least the freshmen have come to college unprepared for a work load of scholarly pursuits of intellectual, critical thinking adult  and unqualified for a social literacy exam  

Annoyed

So I don't really know what to blog about this week. Nothing really interesting has happened to me. I am a lame human being, I need to get a better social life. But I have been feeling like crap lately. Like I am pretty sure something is going around because everybody has been getting sick lately. I am not okay with that, I get sick way to easily and I hate being sick so if anybody is stay the heck away from me!

I guess I could also talk about how this weekend is parents weekend and both of my parents aren't coming. My mom doesn't want to make the drive, like uh I'm sorry Mom I didn't realize 45 minutes was such a long drive. And then I asked my dad if he was coming and he said no because it was my sisters birthday on Sunday, and he was like well you didn't tell me it was this weekend. And I was like Dad you were the one that told me it was this weekend I didn't even know. And he was like oh yeahhh, well I'm still not coming sorry. So looks like I have no support this weekend, thanks guys y'all are awesome!

Perfect Timing

At the end of last week it rained and felt like a front came in. Since then my allergies have progressively gotten worse, this morning I didnt want to get up, I slept from 1-9 and I'm still tired, have a sore throat, cough, stopped up nose. Hopefully it's just allergies and I wont be miserable for long but like everyone else I've had exams, 3 to be exact, and an essay due. I had one in biology last thursday, and 2 today- one in psychology and one in criminal justice. I hate science so I was seriously dreading the idea of a 100 question exam in biology, but that test actually turned out ok. The other 2 I was sort of worried about but I studied all weekend and throughout Monday and Tuesday when I had the chance. I'm very unsure about how well those scores will turn out. Last night I stayed up until about 1 in the morning writing my essays body paragraphs. I didn't finish so i woke up at 6 this morning to make sure I had enough time and finished just before I left my house at 7. That essay didn't get much feedback. So far it's been an awful week, but it shouldn't get any worse. Being sick is not an excuse to miss class or not finish homework, I guess that's what I'm getting at with my complaining.

Test Anxiety

   This week I was unfortunate enough, just like every other college student, to be taking my first round of tests for the semester in most of my classes.  I know this isn't anything special to be going through but it is a lot different from the average test that I took in high school.  This is no shock to me except for the ways in which these tests are different from the ones I am use to taking.
   The test I'm use to taking are multiple choice tests with one clear answer.  The tests here in college ore not this way.  The first noticeable difference is that there is an extra answer choice that has been added to the list. Instead of the regular 4 answer choices there are now 5, lowering your chances of guessing correctly by a considerable amount.  Another difference is that there is not always a clear answer choice that is correct.  In fact it is rare to find a question with an answer that just jumps out at you as correct like they use to. 
   Another difference I ran into with my Biology test is that I was not able to use my calculator.  I understand the premise for this is to make cheating as difficult as possible, but I am use to being able to use a calculator if I have one with me.
   But perhaps the main difference that I have run into with my college tests is the fact that people are still persisting on attempting to cheat.  It never made sense to me to cheat in the first place but at college it make even less.  The point of going to college is to ensure that you get a good education so that you can have the best chance of getting a job that you don't hate that you can make decent money doing.  But when you cheat on your tests, yes you make better grades,  but if you do happen to get a job based off of those grades you wont know what to do.  I just feel like cheating is never ok and that you should avoid it at all costs.  That is all. 

First College Exam

 

On Monday I took my first college exam which was biology. I was so nervous because I felt that I had not fully understood the material even though I read all the chapters, went every day to class, and took notes. I had no idea what to expect and I was extra nervous because it was the very first exam that I had taken in college. I felt unprepared because before this test I had not taken any quizzes so I did not know how much of the material I knew.

This weekend all I did was study for my biology test, I went over the whole material over again. I reviewed the notes and reread parts of the book to fully understand the material. After I had done my review I felt very confident about taking the test the next day. On Monday morning when I went into the classroom I was feeling very good about it but when I saw that the test had eighty questions and I only had fifty minutes to finish it, I started to get anxiety. Thankfully I did finish on time and I made a 76, I thought that I was going to do better maybe at least a B but I did do better than the class average which was a 68. I am just happy that I passed and hopefully I will do better next time.

The Departure

So in an earlier blog I mentioned my boyfriend, well it looks like I will tell you about where we stand as of now. We have known each other for four years and have dated for three years; Sept.10,2010. He is a year older than me and was my first everything, and the same goes for him. I really believed that our high school years would not have been the same without each other. We really have helped each other grow into the young adults that we are now. When his father passed away that was the worst day of my life hearing all the pain in his cries and the confusion on his face. We were in my living room just talking and laughing before he got the call. Our laughs turned into cries just at the drop of a dime. This is only one example of how we have always been by each other's side.
Since then he decided to go off to the army and not complete college which is totally fine with me, because I come from a military family. During this pass year we kind of have been arguing a lot, and as much as we want to be together our personalities definitely clash. I know it's because we are growing up, and we aren't the same teenagers we once were. So I decided that we shouldn't be a couple anymore, although the words "I love you" are always tossed in our conversations.
Now he is leaving this Monday October 1, 2013 and we haven't spent time together at all, I never get calls, or a steady conversation through a text. I know we aren't together but I personally thought that we still had the understanding that we are still important people in each other's lives. He has made time for these "fair weather" friends and of course his family but, has not done the same for me. I'm honestly really hurt by his actions and it has showed me how important I really am to him right now. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but I am saying that it sure isn't being reciprocated. I even mentioned me riding the bus to Houston just to spend one day out of his not so busy life, and that's not even going to happen.
I'm in such a weird place in my life right now and I just hate that everything is just changing right in front of my eyes. Everything is not all good, but I guess it's not all bad. Pray for a real thug! lol

p.s. yes I am the person that makes jokes to hide my pain. I can admit that.

Best,

A heartbroken human, BUT I will be alright

Study Breaks

It's exam week and it's been hectic. Everyone's studying and cramming for their tests, no one has free time at the same time, and people are breaking under the pressure. After my psychology exam today I headed back to the dorm to knock out that mountain of homework I've been putting off until the night before it's all due. I couldn't do it and it didn't take long before I was hating math again. So I took a study break. Among my friends I'm pretty notorious for my "study breaks." Instead of taking a thirty minute break to relax my brain, I meet up with my friends and don't come back to that homework until the next day. These "Alonzo breaks" have become a real problem and so today I took an actual study break from my math homework. I sat down and put my headphones in and listened to music and just blocked everything out. Around thirty minutes later I came and knocked out almost all of my math. It's amazing how just relaxing and not doing anything at all can mellow you out and help you think clearly. Not only did my break put me in a better mood, it also stopped this post from being another math rant. Breaks are great and help you focus better, I just have remember to come back to the homework.

busy busy busy

This week has been SO busy. I’ve had two test and an essay due, and tons of homework on top of that! I also have another test Monday, but I guess that’s college. I feel like my social life is being slowly declining because of all the homework I have had. My dad is coming this weekend to visit so hopefully that will take my mind off of the stressful things. On another note, I’m going to a concert next month so I’m really excited for that, so I’m trying to keep a positive mind and do the best I can for now.  School is already just too much and I’m ready to quit, but I don’t really feel like working at McDonalds till I’m 65 so I guess I’ll stay and stick it out.

Satisfaction

Every day I have tons of assignments and tasks to do. I write them all out in a big list and hope to reach the satisfaction of crossing out everything. Today, I reached this! It is such a nice feeling. I literally did my entire weekend's worth of homework plus all of my work for the next two days. That includes a lab, homework assignments, an essay, and so on. Tons of time consuming nonsense. But I feel great now. 

It's really crazy how completely flipped my mood can be, based on how productive I have been. If I spend all day laying around, being lazy, watching tv shows on my computer, being on tumblr/instagram/facebook, also known as all of the things I REALLY want to be doing, I feel completely unfulfilled and unhappy and gross. Whereas when I set goals for myself, and complete them, I get into this crazy high where I just want to keep being productive and am completely satisfied with myself. It's great!

At the same time I feel a little crazy. But sitting and doing tedious things for five hours straight will naturally create that feeling. I wish there could be a happy medium, where I could find time to do the things I want to, while still getting everything done and having that sense of satisfaction.

Free time - time spent on fun activities = gross unfulfilled satisfaction

Free time - time spent on productive things = complete satisfaction

But I guess that's what weekends are for.

Studying

As I am sitting in Study Hall for a respected fraternity here at Texas State University, I realized something very interesting; I would not be studying if I wasn't in here.  It is truly a blessing that I can use this time do work that usually, I would never do.  I lack the drive that a lot of students have to actually do homework, or study for quizzes and exams. Since I have been coming to study hall, I have got more work done in four hours than I did for the entire first month here. My ADD has not been acting up since I have been coming to the library, and its pretty cool.  When I sit in class rooms I usually do not do a single thing.  For some odd reason, the library enhances my ability to work and be productive.  There are some negatives I have seen since coming to study hall as well.  For example, I realized that everything I have learned in Pre Cal is stupid and pointless.  In no way does that class prepare me for life after my time at this University. It almost angers me that I am in that class, but its something I will deal with.  Hopefully I can keep up with the bs that is education, and the library will keep me from failing.

homework

This week of school has been ridiculously difficult dor homework.  Every other week so far as been relatively easy but this week was terrible. I have several essays and a large amiunt of reading to do. Along with that I also have 5 tests next week to stidy for. I love school here and the life on campus but the work is getting worse and I don't forsee it gwtting any better. I love my classes but thw work is brutal.

Adult? Maybe.

College is tough. I don't find that it's hard as far as the material. It's just the possibilities of all the material that I'm studying. It's crazy that I'm really on a path that would lead me to my dreams. I've wanted to be a forensic Anthropologist since I was in the fifth grade. It's ridiculous to believe that I'm just a few classes away. That the information I'm learning now will really be the steps to get me there.

Its hard to acknowledge that I am an adult. No one is in control of what I am doing or what I want to do. It's all me. I didn't go to class this morning. In high school, I wouldn't have cared even in the slightest of ways, but I beat myself up for an hour about how bad the repercussions could be.

Being an adult is not just paying for everything yourself and waking up for things. It's much more than that. It's taking on a whole different scope of your life. You are the only one that punishes you or holds yourself to something. You're the only one that pays for your mistakes. Its quite daunting. Had someone tried to explain this to me a year ago I would not have listened. I don't think I could I have even processed what they were saying actually. This is a whole new way of living.

It's so much harder than it looks. Congrats to successful adults for something other than success.

my first few weeks at Texas State

My few weeks here at Texas State have been… eventful.  Between my brother dying, and massive change in course of life and burden onto me have molded a new Trent Oatman. I’m more scared by the world now its just a lot harder to talk to all of these new then I thought it would be. I just need to think about this dialogue with life and flirtation with death.  Its hard to mimic the icon of hope of a false smile and a good positive attitude \about this place.  

Stupid Math

I dread going to math. My teacher is so boring! She doesn't keep my attention at all. Her class goes until 6:20 so by then I'm all ready to pass out. I also got an email from her saying that my homework scores were low. I went on my math lab and saw that I have 5 homework assignments that are passed due and I can not make them up. That's another thing that I hate. I can't focus in assignments when they're in the computer. I've always been like that though, I've never been able to keep up with online assignments. I know I have to figure a way to remember, but I already have so much other homework things to remember. And the thing is that I'm really good at math. I took the class that I am currently taking in high school. But my credits didn't transfer over so I have to take it all over again. Sense I already know how to do a lot of the problems I feel like that class does not challenge me.  Ugh oh well. I'll figure something out..

I despise Math in EVERY way

I realized in high school that math is not my subject and college has not changed my feelings towards it at all. I absolutely hate it. I think college algebra has actually multiplied my hatred by one million. I feel so behind in that class because during notes it seems like everyone else understands everything but me. I have at test today and I'm terrified. I spent five hours, yes, FIVE hours, studying with the help of a really nice girl from the Gamma Sigma Sigma sorority. She has to be the most patient person on Earth to work with me for that long and I'm really appreciative of her for that. The sad thing is, I'm still extremely worried about the test today and still feel lost in some areas. I'm just hoping for a passing grade, not only on this first test, but in this class. This has to be my most difficult class this semester, but luckily, the last math class I will ever have to take. Some way, some how, I will get through this semester with a passing grade in college algebra. I'm determined.

Laundry overload

I never truly realized what a trouble it is to do your laundry until i got to college. I mean in high school it just didn't seem that hard. I've always hated like folding them and putting my clothes up but if i didn't my mom would just do it for me. But now, theres no one :/ It sucks carrying my loads all the ay down there. then having to check every 3 min. and going back down there to put them in the dryer. On top of that, one time the washer just stopped working so my clothes ended up being soaking wet. So i had to dry them three times! So now when i have more laundry, im just like, I will get to it. Ehhh, maybe later. And so it just keeps piling up and up, and i had told my self not to do that because that just makes it worse on you to put away. So then i back to square one. Its a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped. But im really to busy to care or do anything about it.

Math Rant

Since my last post I've been hit with so much homework I'm starting to reconsider this whole college thing. Not really but my College Algebra class is killing me. I am without a doubt the least mathematical person in the world. I have nothing but respect for all of you people in Calculus and all that mess, but math is not my subject. I've literally had to do every homework problem at least twice before I got the right answer. On top of that I have an exam tomorrow and I'm pretty sure it's going to kill me. Math is just not my subject; just like dogs can't understand quantum physics, I can't understand algebra. I want to be done with algebra and focus on my major, but I know I have to get there. And that's the hard part.

Cleaning

This past week I have been to the store at least 4 times buying cleaning supplies for our dorm. I am not use to hard floors because I have always had carpet and now that we do not have carpet I see all the dirt and hair everywhere. It’s starting to really bother me, I vacuum at least twice a day every day and still it doesn’t get everything. I went yesterday and bought a Swiffer so I’m hoping that will help a little. I am just not use to it, all the cleaning and what not. Growing up I only had to clean my room and pick up little things around my house. Never did I have to sweep the hardware floors at my house that was always my dad’s job. I also have a thing with febreze, I am OBSESSED with the cinnamon apple one. When I went and bought the Swiffer yesterday I also bought two cans of that febreze and the automatic glade sprayer with the same scent.

I guess I just need to get use to my new living area. I like it and do not have a problem with the space it is just the cleaning that I need to get used to. So, if you all have any suggestions on how to keep the floors clean please let me know lol it is bothering me big time.

It Isn's Narcolepsy

School has always made my mind tired. I enjoy taking naps any chance I get. Usually after classes I’ll return home and change the TV to the golf channel and doze off. Sometimes if I’m early to a lecture I’ll find a nice table and lay my head in my arms. It’s almost getting to where I’ll fall asleep on a bench in between my classes. I don’t drink coffee, every time I try it I can’t get through half of the cup. I also don’t drink energy drinks. 

I had the same situation in high school. Every chance I had I would put my head down and take a power nap. If the teachers was lenient I would take total advantage and pass out, but after they slap my desk or shout at me I’d be up for the rest of class. I found out which teachers would let me sleep through class pretty quickly, waking up to the bell was always fun. Now I’ve managed to start focusing in class and find the necessary times to crash. 

So if you see me with a red mark on my forehead, tired eyes- you’ll know what I’ve been doing. Or if you hear distant snoring, you’re catching me in the act.