At this point, I feel like I have been playing the waiting game
all year.
At the beginning of the year I was waiting
until I graduated. Then in the summer I was waiting until I turned 18. And now
that school as stated I'm waiting until my next paycheck… And waiting until I
meet with my advisor to go to Greece... And waiting until my boyfriend comes
home…
There has got to be more to life than just
waiting for the next thing. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I feel like in between
I'm doing good things or things that matter but in the back of my head there is
always this nagging. But in college my ultimate wait is graduating. Am I the
only one? College is supposed to be about growing and learning and becoming an
adult. But why is it that I feel like I'm in s a standstill.
As if all those things aren't monumental
enough, waiting for them is pretty anxiety causing on it's own. I guess since I
have been just waiting and waiting and waiting it gets kinda old but after all
that is what I'm used to. I've wanted to come to college since kindergarten and
I want to take advantage of all that it is. But, I can't help but feel small
when I am in control of nothing that is influencing my life in such a big way.
It's extremely overwhelming actually. I'm
just a pawn, a single pawn at that, who isn't even moving itself around the
board. Thinking of it like that puts all my anxiety on high. Who is in control?
Why am I waiting? Why is it so prevalent in my mind?
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